It’s almost February! How are you doing with the goals you set January 1st? If you are like most people, your goals have already taken the backseat to life.
Why is that? Why is it that even with the best of intentions we often find ourselves not being able to push through and do what we know in our hearts would make us happier?
Lose those 20 pounds, stick to the budget and get the debt paid down, spend more time doing what fulfills us spiritually or mentally?
We operate out of our belief systems.
Our belief systems are the way in which we see the world, they are ways of operating and functioning that we have adopted in order to survive/thrive, etc in this life.
Some of these are healthy, and some are not.
A belief that fire will burn you is healthy. That one’s obvious.
It’s the ones we aren’t aware of that hinder us most when it comes to making changes in our lives.
Let’s look at a couple common ones I see that impact a persons ability to make changes…
If I lose weight I won’t fit in.
What? Time and time again I see this happen with my clients. A person begins making changes and they start to get backlash from friends, family members, people at work.
“Look who’s all getting healthy now”, “I better not eat this with you around”, “Don’t judge me”, etc…
What do you do when your inner circle spends 50% of the time you are together lamenting about trying to lose weight?
What happens when you actually start doing it? How do they react? (The tricky part can also be when they are genuinely happy for you, but YOU can’t fully accept it and therefor assume they must be secretly upset.)
What if it’s your spouse that isn’t on board? That one is terrifying for many people. Not only does it bring up insecurity in you that your spouse isn’t interested/supportive of your changes, it can also cause insecurity in your spouse because you are changing and they are afraid they are going to lose you or not know how to relate to you.
To make any change or reach a new goal you are changing your patterns, beliefs, and ways of operating. And to rewrite our story often takes accountability, courage, determination, and a lot of self love and grace.
Often these things happen without us realizing it. One of our core needs in life is to belong and be loved. And if we sense that this new habit is going to put our being accepted and loved at risk we begin to sabotage ourselves.
We get sick. We binge. We find a reason it’s not the right time to work with a coach. We look for signs that it’s failing and then accept them as truth. (The scale goes up by 2 pounds so we quit.) We say it’s too expensive to pay for a program or for healthy food.
And when we quit, while there is guilt/shame/frustration that we feel, we also feel settled. Our beliefs about what we can and can’t do are proven true to what is wired in our minds as reality. And as a human we find comfort in feeling comfortable. In knowing what to expect. Minimizing risk. Playing safe.
So what if you don’t want to play it safe? What are a few ways you can get past this hump and reach your goals?
1. Get accountability. You need someone who is trained to help you see who you are becoming and help you draw her out through the mental battle that goes on as you begin to change. You need someone that is objective and that will push you.
2. Take some time to write down your beliefs. What do you really believe about yourself when it comes to the goal you have set? I used an example of weight loss above- do you believe you are meant to be 20,40,60+ pounds overweight? Do you believe that you have tried EVERYTHING and nothing is going to work for you? Do you believe you aren’t lovable and therefore you eat to keep yourself overweight and feeling insecure about your body so you never have to find out if you are? (That ones getting a little deeper! ;-)) Does food equal love to you? Comfort?
What about another area? Finances is a fun one. Do you believe that you can live beyond paycheck to paycheck? Do you believe that there is no money to be made, no good jobs out there? Do you believe that being wealthy is wrong? Do you believe that you must catch a lucky break to have more? Do you believe that if your credit cards are taken away you will fall apart? You will feel empty?
We must know our own story in order to expose it and know how to rewrite it. My story is different than yours, and yours different than mine.
3. Don’t try and change everything at once. Imagine all your beliefs as roads in your mind. Some are dirt, some are paved, and some are highways worn in from years of travel. What would happen if your city decided to do construction on every road in the city in a 4 week span? People would go crazy right? First, they might not even have the man power to do all of that at once. Second, how would the citizens do that daily things they need to do in order to function with not ONE road left in normal working order?
See the picture I’m painting here? Start with one road at a time. Know that the well paved highways- whatever that obstacle is for you, will take longer to reconstruct.
So as you look back at your goals you set in January, think about them through these lenses.
Do you need to give yourself some grace, or do you need to get serious and get some accountability and someone to help you make the changes? Only you know.
Remember, this is life. There is no do-over. It’s happening now.
All my love,