So many things going on in my head~ the boys, my Chinese (or lack thereof), workouts, friends, books I want to read, my Beachbody business~ just to name a few…
I woke up and was super grumpy and short with my words, not knowing why but knowing I needed to take some time to think about it b4 I freaked out on my family. I had 2 workouts to do and 5 min into the second one I just walked away from the tv. Was like I can't even think about doing this right now. With all that I have swirling in my head there's been one thing that I haven't really taken the time to let myself process…
You see Zachary boy is a Daddy's boy. Hands down no questions asked. He looks more like me than Diego does but inside he is all Chris. It makes sense that they would be so close~ besides the fact that Chris is an amazing Dad, they also think the same and love the same kinds of activities. The one way that Zachary is like me is in his independence. So mix those all together and you find a mom wondering how her boy feels about her, wondering if he needs her, wondering if she's a good mom to her boys.
I need to make sure I take time out to meet Zachary in his element~ he's always on the go and loves to be outside. I need to be a human jungle gym for an hour and connect how he likes it. I need to let him explore and make messes, he's fascinated with how things work. I need to be ok with only getting hugs and kisses when he's willing to give it. I need to cherish that all the ways he's different than me and is like his daddy are all the same things that attracted me to his daddy in the first place.
There's also the difference of life circumstances~ when Diego was little it was just us so much of the time. Chris worked from 9-5, I wasn't learning a new language, I didn't have another kid, and a million other things were different. I need to make sure I get that one on one time with Zachary now that I have to be more intentional about it.
Yes, I know he loves me. I know I'm a good mom. I'm just processing some feelings I'm having in my heart. I also know I need to make sure I don't let our differences make me feel distant from him.
There's my blah…have lots of other thoughts on the stuff I mentioned b4 but this was the one that was closest to my heart.