Seasons. We all know there are season to the year, and it makes sense that we live differently in each season. Summer usually brings more time outdoors while winter brings more memories inside playing games. The thing with seasons is that they always change, but there is a cycle to them. Winter, Spring, Summer, and Fall. They may vary a little year to year, but for the most part you know what to expect.
But the seasons of our lives are different than the seasons of the year. While we are always moving into new ones, they don't always repeat. We don't always know what to expect. Spring may jump right back into Winter, and sometimes Fall may last for years. In life, there are some seasons that we only get one chance to do. Then it's over.
I don't know what it will take for me to fully understand this and be able to embrace every season with full contentment and wide open arms. I often find myself thinking of what's NEXT, rather than fully absorbing and enjoying what's NOW. Many times that leads to discontentment. I also struggle because I don't want to 'waste' a season, I want to be wise with my time, but 'wasting' a season is all so relative.
I can think of seasons already passed that I will not get again…Chris and I will never be engaged without children again. Joshua and Zachary will never be infants or toddlers again. I (most likely) will never get to call China home again. I may never experience being pregnant again. And the list goes on and on. You have your own list.
So I process this, not to mourn the past, but to help draw grace from it for today. In the moments when the boys are making me crazy and I just want some peace and quiet- the season will come when they no longer live under my roof and I long to have them here being loud and crazy. In the moments I want to know what my 'greater purpose' is aside from just doing what feels mundane (aka, just being mom), the season will come when my voice is heard beyond the walls of my house yet I wonder if it will even compare to the rewards of hugs and kisses I daily receive from my boys now. In the moments when I am frustrated that I can't exercise like I'd like to right now, the season will come when I've forgotten what it feels like to have life growing inside my body.
I am hoping and asking Jesus to help me to learn how to live in each season and embrace it for all it has. To be able to identify the season so I can set my goals and expectations accordingly. There are things in this season I will never get to experience again, things I need to learn in order to become who I will be in a future season. There are also seasons that are unpredictable, not planned for, and not even desired. I can not control the rain or the wind, but I can choose to let it discourage me or teach and strengthen me.
It's not another place to find guilt as I look back and see things I wish I had done better, after all, knowing better only comes from maturing and that is usually from being able to look back. So to take what comes from looking back and move forward with that wisdom. To not compare my winter to someone's summer. To not compare someone's harvest time to my drought. To appreciate each season and fully embrace it knowing some will never return again, and some will- but they will still not be exactly the same.
And finally, to find contentment and to have deep peace.